Well, like the fellow said; I am a Christian, but I'm not going to hammer you on that.
Your little hole explanation is a good one. From being on this board, I realize a lot of people are in a deep chasm. Climbing out, I am sure is almost indescribable. I've been in a hole or two myself, and I realize there's always a possible next hole to fall in. So, I try to head them off.
I cannot depend on me, cause its not enough. If it was me alone, I would never persevere. I would be too selfish, too weak. I need something more superior than me or anyone else. I guess you can figure out what I am talking about.
Out of all you've been through, you've got a few things that provide you with a new day: education, awareness, vitality, ambition, possible security, time to condemplate, delights in what you can buy for yourself, and so forth.
But there is still a hole, I assume. Well maybe the hole, is a stable dependable source of love, away from disfunctional parents, and WT killer control. When you escaped, you were dizzy, dazed, hurting, and disoriented, I assume. Now you're on the streets of life, and you can pick and choose for better or worse.
What you do in the next year will affect you for your next 10 years of life. If you look at your tools for doing this, I'm sure you'll find you lack a few good ones. So, the same old physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual tools are what all people work with.
The most important are the spiritual tools. You know a bit about them, accept the ones you had were all rusty, dirty, oily, and broken. Now you can throw them all away, as most you have already done, but you still have to buy new ones.
You have to go to the same store, only now you're a lone shopper. You can get what is healthy, intelligent, rational, and natural, but you need love to help you select. Nobody does it right by themselves, and it's quite hard even when you allow help.
You have three things against you in the store: this world's values, the devil organization, and your imperfection. You can be a mystery shopper--no control. Your choice should be to your advantage. It determines your next decade of life.
tp